Lifes Changes

It has been a long time since I have written on here and a lot has taken place.

The main reason for not posting has been because of health.....I have spent a lot of my time in the recliner with my feet propped up to keep swelling down as I have developed lymphedema and then later have battled a couple cases of cellulitis. Of course the asthma can't be out done, so as it kicks in of course the my dreaded drug has been needed......prednisone!! That stuff has done so much damage to my body it is a wonder I walk at all, at least this time I can say it has knocked down some of the pain level in the left leg. I am on the downward slide now, I needed it just a bit longer than the 5 day thing, so the doctor who did the recheck on Monday gave me a reducing slower over several days instead of a sudden drop. Those sudden drops are very hard on my system, I have a lot of withdrawal from prednisone anymore. But I am feeling better each day as far as the asthma is concerned.

Scott and I have made some other decisions over the past few months and we believe God is moving us to Boonville, Missouri. For one thing it will put us closer to where my gastric bypass surgery is and the follow up appointments I will need to make. Both of us feel that our bodies just aren't up to those long trips, neither is the poor 16 yr old car. However, we both agree at this point even if I wasn't having the surgery, we'd move anyway, we just have felt like Boonville is home every time we have been there now. We both feel the need to get out of the city and to really begin to depend on each other and God more.

We found some loft apartments that we really like and hopefully we can get into them. They are in an old Shoe Factory and are set up for the 55+ group, of which I qualify for and it only takes one of us. Here is a URL to the place http://www.homkor.com/selwynplace/amenities.asp We are planning to send the application and deposit just as soon as my back money from SSI comes in. Just got word it was released so should be getting it in a few days......the rest will go to pay for the class I have to take for the gastric bypass surgery. The rent for these lofts are about two-thirds what we are paying here and we should be able to handle that with out any problem.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking over the last few months about a lot of things and a lot of talking to God. I seem to have a lot more issues with my trust as I get older than I did when I was younger. I talked to my mom on the phone and mentioned that to her and she agreed that it was a problem she had noticed on her part also, so I don't feel so "wrong" for having those feelings. I believe it is that feeling of being "wrong" that puts us/mankind on our own guilt trips and causes us to put up barriers between us and God. We are the ones who leave God and allow ourselves to walk away, cause lets face it "if we were good Christians we wouldn't have doubts like that"......says who?? Are we not the same as everyone else? Sinners saved by Grace?

I know in my talks with God over the last few months I have come to Him so many times down, feeling like He wasn't there.....but God has so gently put His arms around me and held me close and reminded me to just take things one day at a time, even some days one minute at a time and I have seen Him work in ways that I knew He could work but always felt why would or should He do it for me. We have a Wonderful God who walks beside us, sometimes He has to come behind and give a little shove.......and then there are times when He lovingly carries us the distance. There are times when the path is so narrow that we have to keep our heads up and our eyes on Him as He leads us thru those paths of doubt and fear. He tells us not to be afraid to trust in Him and I think He knows that is hard for us to do, and that is why He is so gentle, kind and forgiving. That is why He walks beside us, with His arm around us and sometimes has to carry us.....have you ever tried to follow someone in the dark? When we are doubting and are in fear, we are in the dark, so when we call upon God for help He has to guide us out of that dark into understanding, into the light. Sometimes God has to keep pulling us along as we are wanting to come but we are just not sure, and God has to remind us constantly who He is and who we are.

In the last 20 years or so now I have found that there are a lot of things that I was taught while in the church that were more what man interpreted in the Bible. I have learned that a lot of things are a lot different and some of those things I have learned I owe to my children and the challenges they gave me as they saw things differently. I was raised that you did not question what you were taught by a "man of God" or by your parents along the Bible or Christian ways. However, if your parents learned under the same pastor......we were all in trouble if what we were being taught was not right. So having my children challenge the "Word" was new to me and at first didn't go over well, however, I'd also had a deal with my kids all along that IF they could show me a different way of doing something and it worked better and it accomplished what needed to be done, I'd go along with their way. If I was willing to do this in our everyday life.....why not give it a try in other parts of our relationship. I am very grateful I did as I have learned a lot from especially my daughter. I don't altogether agree with her stand she has taken right now, however, I do know why she has made some of the claims she has and I respect her for what she feels.

BLESSINGS AND HUGS TO ALL